I want to come home; back to your embrace, back to a place where i can hear your heart beats, back to a place where i can just be quiet before you, back to a place where i don't need to utter any words just be with you, just stay in your embrace and enjoying the closeness/ the nearness of you. LORD, i so long for you! i know no one or anything can feel the vacuum of my heart, would you once again come? Would you bring me close to you again? So close where i can hear your heart beats and your breathe. I long for you, so deeply Father... so much!!!

Vision of You.

Awaken what's inside of me.

Tune my heart to all You are in me.
Even though you're here, God come.
May the vision of You be the death of me.
and even though You've given everything.
Jesus come!

Is this what my life all about? It should be more because there's always more...i know i need to learn to be contend with what i have but am not satisfy, there must be more. 'The more' that worth all the gold and the precious stones! 'The more' that contagious , overflowing and reflecting Him. I want and long for more of you, let me not stop pursuing your heart.

The rain stopped! And that means I can go for a walk today!

Have been longing for walks but with the unpredictable weather, all I can do is hoping that it won’t rain on the afternoon or at least it stops before the dusk. And I have the privileged to enjoy the walk and just being with myself today.
As I walked and sometimes looked up to heaven, I saw the clouds through the leaves and the branches of the trees. My heart leaped and joy started to bubble up in me, felt there’s a longing and a freedom that the depth of me is longing. ‘There got to be more than this’, ‘it has to be more than this’? Is this what my life is achieving for? Running towards things that won’t last for long? It got to be more! It has to be more!
More questions from my heart to the Father started to well up. ‘Why am I here?’, ‘Is this the place where you’re bringing me to re-focusing my heart and calling?’, ‘Is this the place that you’re calling me to trust you more?’ ‘What will be the end of this?’…
SBS, BCC, Indonesia, Sabah…these are all in my heart, so much work yet there’s only one me. ‘LORD, in the midst of all these, in the midst of my uncertainty, in the midst of searching you, I realized that all that I’m seeking for is YOU! The yearning and longing is YOU. I didn’t know that I wanted you this much! This gift; this life is meant for you and you alone! When that day comes, when I walk on the isle to see you, I know you will be there standing firmly with a proud smile and a gaze that’s fixed on me. Father, I long for more of You, let not my heart grow cold towards you and let not my heart be satisfied in knowing You because ‘there are still more- it’s uncountable of how much you have in store for me.’

Worship

Holy design
this place in time
that i might seek and find my God
my God

Lord i want to yearn for You
i want to burn with passion
over You and only You
Lord i want to yearn

Your joy is mine
yet why am i fine
with all my singing and bringing grain
in light of Him

oh You give life and breath
through Him You give all things
in Him we live and move
that's why i sing

As I was listening to this song, my heart leaped with excitement yet at the same time,i found myself was making a comment of 'how nice will it be if i have good voice and able to play the guitar well...i will surely bring up songs like this next time when am ask to lead worship.' But...wait a minute, will i really play the guitar and sing the songs? would i really commit myself to usher others into the presence of The Almighty if i have the good voice and the availability to play well? can't i sing the way i am? can i inspired others to worship the way i am? Isn't worship comes from your heart and the knowledge of His goodness, love etc?
Why do i need to be afraid or embarrassed to sing out if I've been redeemed by His grace and if this life of mine is suppose to be about displaying His goodness? Didn't He gave me this voice as a gift to proclaim His goodness? Why then should i limit myself to worship?

Father, make me yearn for you more.

He’s personal; I need not to work hard for His love, nothing else can I do to earn His love. The free gift that He’s giving me only requires my relationship. A relationship of knowing Him more and love Him more, a relationship that doesn’t demand my hard work, sweat and blood but ‘the me’ alone. I desire Him and I treasure the communication that I have with Him. Let me not stop communicating with You because the day I stop communicate, is the day I start walking away from this relationship.

It has been few months since I last wrote to you and we’re about to finish our first phase of DTS and in less than two weeks time, the school will soon set out to their designated outreach locations. We’re sending out 3 teams this year and each of the team will travel to some of the villages in Sabah and neighboring state/ Borneo. We’re hoping and praying that our students will put everything they’ve learnt in these past three months into practice and also having His heart beats for those who haven’t heard ‘bout the ‘Good News’.
Good news; In the past, I was taught that I first need to make sure those around me heard the good news before I then bring it to other nations but I believe whenever we are, we’re to be His light and be the one who wants to share ‘bout the good news- the good thing that He’s done in us! His love (just as John 3:16 tells us!) Once, I was sitting in a car with my aunt who hasn’t heard the good news yet and found myself asking the LORD to send someone to share with her and all of sudden, I felt He’s saying ‘You don’t pray for someone to go to them but pray and ask for opportunity to share ‘bout Me’. Yes, why don’t I ask for opportunities? If the ‘Good News’ is ‘GOOD’, why do I afraid to share? If I can’t contain it in me, why do I always want to bottle it in me? Why can’t I just invite others to have a little taste of His goodness? And in my many years as a follower of the ‘Good News’, I must say it had never struck me as much as I was sitting in that car that day! (And yes, I learn my lesson too… opportunities).

Puchased and Redeemed

'You are your character' Ken Steiner

Today,
I thought 'bout what will my life be without God? Would sort of life i ended up with? Will i be as i am today? Will i know the 'grace' and the fullness of life if i haven't met Him? Just thinking 'bout that triggered the fear in me. Yes, who will i be today without Him? i know I'll still be the person that carries the name 'Mary' but what will my character be? will i have the compassion for the needy, love for the lost, forgiveness etc?
Am indeed truly thankful for His goodness. It's Him that i learn to have new perspective in life, it's because He has REDEEMED me that I'm able to experience His love and yes...it's all because Him. One can never know how real is He until you've experience Him. Am not saying that I'm better than anyone else or more religious than anyone else in the planet, I've the 'TODAY' only because of His grace, only because I've been purchased and redeemed. If it's only because of His love for the finite me, why should i go through this life without Him? Whilst, i still have the 'Today', i want to know Him! Let not my days go by without making that commitment to know you Lord.
Today, i re-learn that I'm only saved by grace and I was purchased with the highest price that any men could ever pay.