Oct 10

After many hectic weeks, I’m finally able to get this newsletter started and thought it’s about time to update you with little stories of my-past-months-life. After four days of mini DTS workshop with Mark Ng, Kikey (a Y. staff) and I flew to Cambodia for 2 weeks of dts workshop in mid August. Little did I know that I will again experience a new culture, new taste of food and a new surrounding. Those two weeks were packed with lectures, activities and of course getting acquaintance with different cultures and peoples. In the midst of learning ‘bout different cultures, I found myself kept thanking Father for enabling me to be part of this. I began to learn that I’m actually wired to cultures because I kept finding myself smiling and enjoying every little talk that I had. ‘HOME must be like this, full of richness and beauties of cultures, peoples and languages!’ Aahh…if only I can describe the excitement and joy of my heart in this newsletter.

Thank you for those who have contributing to this trip, your contribution have indeed allow me to learn more ‘bout Him, leadership, mentoring, reaching others and etc. I truly appreciate it and pray that His abundance will be upon you.

Character [ˈkærɪktə]n

* The combination of traits and qualities distinguishing the individual nature of a person or thing

In our last school, one of our speaker asked this question ‘Who are you?’ and we (staff and students); tried to come up with all sort of answers yet failed to give him the right answer. His repeated question put us in such a stage of curiosity and I found myself thinking, ‘This is a very simple question and why does he make it so complicated for us to answer?’ ‘Well, I am Mary, daughter who and who and etc…’ “Aren’t that enough to say who I am?’

‘You are who you are, you’re your character,’ said the speaker after a great silent in the class. Aahh…why didn’t I ever think of this? Throughout my whole life time, I’ve only come to understand that ‘I am’ only with ‘a name’, little did I know that ‘my name’ or the ‘person me’ carries characters that proved the reason why I’m called ‘unique and wonderfully-made’, and the reason why there’s no one else in this whole wide world has the same character and uniqueness as me! Wow!!!

As I was pondering Is. 55 one morning, a thought of ‘who am I and why I’m doing what I’m doing’ came to mind. ‘Yes, why do I do this and why do I choose to live life of trust and who am I representing here?’

While contemplating this, a picture (came to mind) of someone/ employee in his uniform and with his name-tag on, standing firmly and proudly showing off who he is and for whom he’s working for. He isn’t afraid to show off his and the company’s name. I’m humbled or in other words reprimanded by this analogy because I don’t live like this!!! I’m a representative of the Almighty one and the greatest master yet I often find myself shy away or even take down my name-tag! Why do I only let His name be known to those who are close to me, why do I hide my name or my Master’s name from those who haven’t come to know Him? My master is full of His characters and everyway He goes; He carries His name/ characters. So…if I’m a representative of Him that means I’m too bringing / showing His characters like any employee does (if they are proud of their company or their employer, they will always boast ‘bout him/ her, right?). And if I’m proud of my Master, my lover, my Father, my Best friend…won’t I boast ‘bout Him? Won’t I stand firmly and showing off His name proudly?

So in addition to that, I’m challenged to tell you a story of my life; how it started, by ‘whom’ and ‘why’ I’ve chosen to go down this path.

The stories began:

A group of multi nations of young people came to my town when I was still a young believer. Impressed and drawn to the unity and love despite of their cultures difference, I found myself letting Him know that I want to be like them, going to the nations and stepping into the journey of trust. Little did I know my simple talk that day began to paint out this journey.

I knew I’m called to the nations and understood the importance of getting some sort of training (at least some basics) so… in year 2003, I took the challenge to step out and be part of a school with Y in Australia. First time out of the country; packed only with my clothes and assurance of knowing that He’ll take care of every single cent needed, I through that phase of life with thankfulness because He’s proven His faithfulness by keeping His promises. Satisfied with the thought of ‘just-need-to-trust-for-only-this-time’, He again brought me back to the same land and same phase of trust for the next few years.

So in addition to that, I’m challenged to tell you a story of my life; how it started, by ‘whom’ and ‘why’ I’ve chosen to go down this path.

Why do I want to be part of this?

More than just dramas, songs and games; to ‘Know Him and Make Him Known’ was the reason why I’m attracted to the heart of this work- and of course after seeing and hearing ‘bout His greatness through those who have gone before us, I too, want to have my share in the stories alike.

My heart itches upon hearing news of friends working in close countries, remote areas, reaching out to those who are in needs spiritually, emotionally and etc. I’m challenged to hear how these friends willingly to let go their comfort lives, living in a country that they only come to know during one of their pr. time, learning languages that are totally new for them and etc.

Partnering with Him, mobilizing young peoples and challenging others in order to have heart for the nations, peoples and tribes is one of the major reason why I felt called to be part of this. With the statement ‘Malaysia boleh (can/ able)!’ then of course Sabahan/ Malaysian like us able to create stories and history, right? Not forgetting there are still lots of works need to be done here alone in Sabah, in this nation and beyond, yet to come up with a solution of how to go about this is beyond my understanding and ability.

For a number of times, I caught myself thinking ‘If only I can break myself into many pieces, I’ll surely go to them.’ But, there’s only ‘one me’. What can I do with the only ‘me’? Where and how to start? How can I mobilize and challenge others to have His heart and relationship with Him? And…a decision to work with Y. was made after seeking Him. Not a little regret in choosing this path but gladness and so far, it seems to have fit the puzzle quite well.

People asked, ‘why do you want to waste your life by doing something voluntarily or having no income?’ ‘Why don’t you just be like others?’ and to be honest, I often couldn’t answer them but as I take time to really ponder this, I learnt this is not a waste; am not wasting my time and life, I’m doing something that I’ve been wired to do; stirring passion, love to others and to instill His values in the lives of many. Though I don’t see it now but I know they have been instilled, they are sprouting and growing. I might not be doing it in a larger scale but one person is enough to bring influence, right? And I want to be someone that longs to challenge ‘that individual’ to rise up and be the change!

I do realize that I don’t have much to offer but this life alone, I desire my life to be waste for Him alone and I want to live such a life that point/ directs others to the Truth, the creator of life. And as I continue this journey, would you come alongside me and partnering with me to bring the change?

Where am I going?

Apart from realizing the importance of the Word, I do desire to have a good grasp of the Word and I’m looking forward to my time on a school called SBS with Y. Singapore next year. I’m still in the process of filling in the application form and waiting for the enough finances to come through so I’m able to send it to be processed. (Really need your prayer for this, so it’ll go smoothly.)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

What is it?

It’s a course that teaches others ‘HOW’ to study the word and it’s a 9 months course in which a study of all 66 books, the will be taking place. I hope by doing this school, it’ll help me in personal study and a foundation for teaching and preaching for the rest of my lives, to learn rightly and accurately in handling the word and gain an invaluable foundation through it to fulfill the Great commission and wherever I’m called to.

After much writing, I guess it’s time to end this long newsletter, thank you for taking time to read this, for your prayer and word of encouragements and a millions thanks for walking with me through this phase of my life by letting me not walking through it alone. You’re indeed much appreciated in my life!!! 'Till next time and be blessed!

Remember…:

• Upcoming Staff training:

- For provision of wisdom, strength, finances and etc.

• Upcoming MAC (camp)(Nov-Dec)

- His heart will be revealed to the campers- the youth and our hosts.

• Finances for the SBS; - Application fees

- Supporters.

• Rest

Feel like I'm going through another wilderness. It was few years ago that I went through a wilderness; as I can recalled, it was a time of discomfort, tears, heartache, regrets and etc. I'm in another one but going through it this time is rather different than the last one. I think as i'm growing or maturing, i begin to see and judge things differently. I remember a speaker talked 'bout 'Wilderness'; how many have gone through it in lives. I still remember vividly how he said the end product of this wilderness is either you'll come out 'better' or 'bitter'. I don't desire sowing bitterness in me, in my only life! I desire this process of life or this phase of life make, mold, bend me to come out better. Better/ growing in my trust for Him, better/ growing in my walk with Him, better/ growing in my love towards Him. I don't want to abandon Him in my search for the end of this wilderness experience but fully abandon myself for Him alone! Since He knows the best for me, why don't I trust Him? I know to trust something that i can't grasp or touch with my fingers seems ridiculous to many but this is what I've been wired to, to take up my cross. Run with Him. Cause I was made for abandon my heart and listen. Cause I was made for Someone greater, Someone bigger, so I want to follow Him. And I know I'll come alive when I learn to die, to trust Him instead.'

Arms Wide Open - Misty Edwards

What does love look like? is the question Ive been pondering What does love look like? What does love look like? is the question Ive been asking of You Once believed that love was romance, just a chance I even thought that love was for the lucky and the beautiful I once believed that love was a momentary bliss, but love is more than this All You ever wanted was my attention All You ever wanted was love from me All You ever wanted was my affections to sit here at Your feet and tell me What does love look like? is the question Ive been pondering What does love look like? If all of life comes down to love then tell me What does love look like? is the question Ive been pondering What does love look like?
Then I sat down a little frustrated and confused Your fire of life comes down to love. And love has to be more than sentiment, More than selfishness and selfish gain Then I saw Him there Hanging on a tree, looking at me I saw Him there Hanging on a tree, looking at me He was looking at me looking at Him, staring through me I could not escape those beautiful eyes And I began to weep and weep He had arms wide open, heart exposed Arms wide open, He was bleeding, bleeding. Arms wide open, heart exposed Arms wide open, He was bleeding, bleeding Loves definition Loves definition, was looking at me Looking at Him. Hanging on a tree I began to weep and weep and weep and weep This is how I know what love is. And as I sat there, weeping, crying, those beautiful eyes Full of desire and love. And He said to me You shall love Me..You shall love Me. With arms wide open, heart exposed With arms wide open, bleeding, sometimes bleeding You shall love Me.. You shall love Me.. If anybodys looking for love in all the wrong places If youve been searching for love, come to Me. Come to me. Take up your cross. Deny yourself.

Forget your fathers house and run. Run with Me. Cause you were made for abandon your heart and listen Cause you were made for Someone greater, Someone bigger, so follow Me. And youll come alive when you learn to die. And He said to me You shall love Me. You shall love Me With arms wide open, heart exposed With arms wide open, bleeding, sometimes bleeding

Who am I?

Character [ˈkærɪktə]n

* the combination of traits and qualities distinguishing the individual nature of a person or thing

One of our speaker asked this question to us 'Who are you?' and we (staff and students); with the best attempts came up with the best answers yet failed to gave him the right answer. His repeating question put us in such a stage of curiosity and i found myself thinking , 'This is a very simple question and why does he make it so complicated for us to answer?' ' I am Mary, daughter who and who and etc...' 'Aren't that enough to say who I am?'

'You are who you are, you're your character,' said him after a great silent in the class. Aah...why did i never think of this? Throughout my life time, I only understood that 'I am ' only with 'a name' little did i realized that 'my name' or the 'person-me' carries such characters that proved the reason why I'm called 'unique and wonderfully-made' because there is no one, no one in this whole wide world has the same character and uniqueness as me! Wow!!!

As I was pondering Isaiah 55 this morning, a thought of who am I and why I'm doing what I'm doing came to mind. Yes, why I'm doing this and why do I choose to live life of trust and who am I representing here? While contemplating this, a picture of someone/ employee ready in his uniform/ garments with his name tag on, standing firmly and proudly showing of who he is and for whom his working for, came to mind. He isn't afraid to show off his and the company's name.

I'm humbled or other words reprimanded by this analogy because i don't live like this!!! I'm a representative of the Almighty one and the greatest ever master yet i often find myself shy away or even take down my name tag! Why do i only let His name be known to those who are close to me, why do i hide my name or my Master's name from those who have not come to know Him? My Master is full of His characters and every way He goes, He carries His name/ characters. So...if i'm a representative of Him, that means I'm bringing/ showing His characters off just like any employee does (If they are proud of their company or their employer, they will always boast 'bout him/ her, right?). And if I'm proud of my Master, my Lover, my Father, my best friend...won't i boast of Him? Won't i stand firm and showing His name off proudly?

Ahh...I want to be Your representative of Your love, joy, peace...Your characters so others will know You by my works, love and heart! I'm desperately needing You Jesus!!